Moving a loved one into a care home is always a challenging choice. It’s normal to feel a mix of emotions—worry for their safety, guilt about letting someone else care for them, and anxiety about how they’ll adjust. These feelings don’t mean you’re failing them; they show that you care deeply. Making this decision is often about ensuring they have the support and attention needed for a better quality of life. To help ease your concerns, we’re sharing real-life stories from others in your shoes. Their experiences might offer comfort and guidance as you navigate this challenging but loving step.

Making The Hard Choice

My mother’s dementia showed itself in resistance, anger, suspicion, and even paranoia. She stopped taking her medicine and didn’t trust anybody, not even her family. Things got worse when she started getting physical—lashing out, shouting, and becoming a danger to herself and my father, who is 91 and also dealing with Alzheimer’s. We even hired someone to assist part-time, but it wasn’t enough.

When her behaviour escalated to the point where she became a real threat, the doctor warned us: If she didn’t start her anti-psychotic medication within 48 hours, we would have no choice but to call for emergency help. It was a hard pill to swallow, but we knew it was the truth.

Eventually, the situation reached a breaking point, and we had to call for help. Police got involved because she refused to cooperate. It was heartbreaking to see, honestly. She was restrained, taken to the hospital, sedated, and finally given the medication she needed. Unfortunately, during this period, she had a fall and broke her wrist and shoulder.

We used the injury as an opportunity to transition her from the hospital to a ” rehab centre,” which is where both she and my father live now.

Looking back, I won’t lie—it was a very tough decision. But fast-forward one year, and she’s like a whole new person. She’s calmer, more loving, and even enjoying life again. She laughs, listens, and engages in conversations. My father is also doing better under professional care.

It felt like a bad thing at the time, but honestly, it was the best decision for her and the whole family. Sometimes, doing what seems harsh at the moment is what ends up giving everyone peace in the end.

The Switch

My dad wasn’t safe staying in his house alone. He wasn’t eating properly, and the place was always messy. He would throw trash and dirty underwear anywhere he felt like. Omo, the rat infestation in his house was something else! These rats even chewed through the wire for his water pump, so he didn’t have running water again.

Now that he is living in a good care home, everything has changed. He eats good food, takes his medicine on time, stays in a clean place, and has people to take him to the hospital whenever he needs it. Plus, there are always people around to help him if he falls or needs anything.

Yes, at first, I felt small guilt about moving him out of his home. But honestly, that guilt is nothing compared to my peace of mind now, knowing he’s safe and taken care of.

A Change of Mindset

My mom and brother have come to terms with the fact that they can’t do everything, so they help me instead of adding more stress. But my grandma? That’s a whole different story. She’s at that stage where she thinks she’s still sharp and can do everything herself, but honestly, she’s not. And anytime I try to talk to her about doing things in a way that’s safer for her, she just gets angry at me.

What really changed my mindset about moving her into a care home was realizing something: no matter what I do, she’ll still get mad at me. So I decided that if she’s going to be angry, it’s better she’s angry while in a place where she’s safe rather than angry and still putting herself in danger.

The truth is, you can’t dodge the pain. The anger, frustration, and sadness will come whether you like it or not. So why not just choose what’s best for everyone involved?

One day, you, too, will reach that age. Wouldn’t you want someone who is brave enough to do what’s best for you, even when it’s hard?

Why Moving to a Community Was the Best Decision for My Parents

Both my parents and my husband’s parents, along with two of my former clients who later became close friends, now live in assisted living communities. Honestly, their lives have improved so much since they moved there. Let me even say that if my mother-in-law hadn’t moved to a community last year, I doubt she would still be alive today.

Before she moved, she wasn’t eating properly and only saw my husband and one cousin once in a while. Then, she got pneumonia and ended up in the hospital. After that, she was sent to a very depressing rehab centre. Thankfully, a better community was nearby with in-house therapy and proper care. It was such an easy decision to move her there, and they even allowed her to try it out during her rehab period before committing.

My two friends also ended up in communities after facing tough situations. One broke her hip and lost her husband in the same week. The other started having small strokes, which led to vascular dementia. Both of them went to rehab first, and from there, it was clear they couldn’t go back home. It was hard for them to move under those circumstances, but it’s always better when someone can make that choice themselves instead of waiting for a crisis. Some people even try short-term stays to get a feel for the place without fully committing.

The thing is, socializing is so important for older people, and these communities make it so easy. My father, for example, decided to move closer to us (his three daughters) when he was still strong and active, even driving at almost 90! Last year, he broke his leg, and because he was already settled in his new home, it was so much easier to monitor his rehab without us having to travel back and forth. He’s genuinely happy there and has made so many friends.

From Village Life to Community Living

Last year, we moved my parents into a retirement community. The idea was to give them a better quality of life. The apartments there were nothing fancy, just like any normal flat you’d find in a town, but the big draw was the community life and the option to pay for extra support when needed. These were things they couldn’t get in their old home.

My mum didn’t want to go at first; you know how elders can be about leaving the house they’ve known all their life. But deep down, she knew, and we knew, that staying in the village wasn’t working anymore. Their health wasn’t great, and they couldn’t manage things like they used to.

Honestly, the move didn’t go as smoothly as we hoped. Their health and energy were worse than we thought, and adjusting to the new place was really hard for them. Especially my mum, anything new just confuses her. Looking back, I sometimes wonder if the move made her condition worse because her decline over the past year has been very fast.

Still, I’m glad we did it because the alternative would have been worse. If a big health crisis had hit while they were still in the village, it would have been a disaster. At least now, there’s a clear system in the retirement community. When they’ve fallen sick, like when my mum had problems from mismanaging her medicine or when my stepdad got weak after COVID, they were quickly moved to the higher-care section of the community.

Now, my mum is in assisted living, where they make sure residents eat in the dining room together. Surprisingly, she’s made plenty of friends there! It reminds me of those hostel days at university. Her assisted living setup is simple—just a single room, no full apartment—but she eats her meals in the common dining hall and spends time in shared spaces with others.

She’s not as isolated as before; seeing her laugh and chat with people is a small comfort for us. The journey wasn’t perfect, but we made the right decision for them in the end.

Giving Care Home A Chance

After my dad got treated for a brain tumour, the whole thing left him with early dementia. It was tough on everyone, so we decided that moving him to a care home was in his best interests. At first, he wasn’t happy at all. He said he didn’t belong there and wanted to come back home.

But after a few weeks, everything changed. He started enjoying the place as if it were some fancy hotel. Before we knew it, he was doing morning exercise with the others, joining art classes in the afternoon, and relaxing with a movie and a small shot of whisky in the evening.

One day, he even joked and said, “Why didn’t I move here long ago? This place is sweet!”

The Best Decision for Mum

I moved my mother to a care home last year, and honestly, I’m so glad I did. My dad was taken to the hospital because he had been unwell, and both of them had been struggling to take care of each other for a while. So, I had to look after her at home for a bit. It was not easy at all.

My mum had this crazy obsession with going to a particular buka (local restaurant). No matter the time, she’d wake up, dress up, and try to find a keke or bike at odd hours, sometimes even by 2 am! Neighbours would see her and escort her back home. It was so stressful.

I barely lasted ten days before I decided to move her to the care home my dad had already chosen for them. At first, I felt bad about the decision, but now, I know it was the best thing for everyone.

The staff there are amazing with her. They handle her so well, and she’s even participating in all kinds of activities. I see pictures of her playing games, dancing, and doing crafts.

This decision has been a huge relief for me, the family, and, most importantly, for her. She’s happier, healthier, and safer. Sometimes, you have to do what’s best for everyone, even if it feels hard at first.

Grandma’s Care Home Experience

My dad had to move my grandma to a care home when her dementia got worse. She couldn’t accept having carers at home, and she’d get strange ideas in her head, like wanting to climb ladders to clean the windows upstairs at 10 pm! It was becoming too much for us to handle on our own.

The care home was actually really nice. It was brand new when she first moved in, and she was one of the first to stay there. But even though she had been very social before, she didn’t want to mix with “all those old people” at the home. She mostly kept to herself. One thing we made sure of was that we could move her out whenever we wanted, and that really helped.

If you’re ever in this situation, just know that your parent might ask to go home—this could happen after a few days, weeks, or even months. Be consistent with your response. 

Transitioning a loved one to a care home can be emotionally and physically draining, but there are ways to make it smoother for everyone involved. Here are some tips:

• Have Honest Conversations Early: If possible, start discussing the idea of a care home before it becomes urgent. This allows your loved one to process the idea and feel more in control of the decision.
• Involve Them in the Decision: Let them visit potential care homes and meet the staff. This way, they can have a say in where they’ll be staying, which helps them feel more at ease.
• Bring Familiar Items: Help them settle in by decorating their space with personal items like favourite photos, blankets, or decorations from home. A familiar touch can make a new place feel less intimidating.
• Stay Present: Visit often, especially in the beginning, to reassure them that they are not forgotten. Over time, this helps them feel secure in their new environment.
• Be Patient and Understanding: Expect resistance, sadness, or anger, especially in the early days. This transition is a big change, and it takes time to adjust.

Note: These stories have been edited to protect the identities of the individuals involved.

Moving a senior loved one into a care home is never easy, but it is often done out of love and concern for their safety and well-being. While the guilt and emotional weight might feel heavy at first, many families find peace knowing their loved ones are in a safe and supportive environment.

Remember, you’re not alone on this journey. Countless families have faced the same tough choice and found ways to navigate it with courage and compassion. Take things one step at a time, and trust that with time, the decision will bring relief to both you and your loved one.

You can always contact us for aid when you need answers and assurance. We are happy to help you make the move as comfortable and informed as possible.